Hello folks! This blog is going to focus on the art of being quiet, and how we can use quietness to support each other in our wellbeing. Quietness can be used as an excellent strategy for living well, so this blog will focus on how we can bring more quietness into our lives, and help those around us to do the same.

We live in a very noisy world! And sometimes that’s great. Live music for example, or football matches, or gospel choirs even. Communal singing, a whole audience laughing or clapping. Shouting at referees. These can all be very life-affirming, often therapeutic, and they help us to connect with one another. We use sound and noise as one of our primal means of communication. It’s a fundamental way of communicating with each other. The first thing a baby does when it’s brought into the world? We all know that noise.

But not all noise is welcoming, and we don’t always help ourselves either. Next time you’re out and about, have a look at how many people are wearing headphones. We actively fill our periods of silence with noise (although with headphones- is this cancelling out noises, or creating new ones? Probably a bit of both..) We have a tendency to fill our silences with noise, and often struggle with the notion of quietness. The irony of that being that I’m currently writing this out with music playing in the background. On a low volume, but it’s still there. What is it about silence that urges us to avoid it?

Think as well about when we are at work or with people, or at school or a day service. When is it ever quiet? Not very often, and when it is, there’s always somebody who jokingly brings it up. ‘Ooh, it’s bit quiet in here today, isn’t it?!’ Well, it was….

Quietness can often make people feel awkward, and we have a tendency to want to fill it with chatter or background music or whatever else. And it’s an interesting thought that we see silence or quietness as a hole that needs filling, rather than a space which we can just be in. For people with disabilities, sounds and noises can be enriching, stimulating and therapeutic. But they can also be difficult and debilitating.

People with disabilities, particularly those with learning disabilities or autistic spectrum conditions, can experience difficulties in processing information or filtering out extraneous noise. Here’s another quick exercise for you. Wherever you are right now- focus on the noises around you. Traffic, wind, the internal fan on your laptop, birdsong, overhead lights, other folks chatting, other people’s headphones, squeaky chairs- the list could go on! You’ll notice that there are a lot more noises happening than you realised, as you will have automatically ‘zoned out’ the ones your brain has deemed unnecessary. Now imagine having difficulties in doing this, and having to actually filter out the noises yourself, manually rather than automatically. That’s a sobering thought, isn’t it? For many people that is a reality. And it can cause low-level anxiety, confusion, frustration, and above all else- exhaustion.

Different types of silence can however be viewed both positively or negatively. From a positive perspective, many of us dream of the holiday where we can lie on the beach quietly reading our book. Some of us will say ‘I had ten minutes peace and quiet yesterday- oh it was bliss!’. And I have participated in activities when working in schools where ‘quiet time’ has really helped children with disabilities reset their internal states of being.

But it can also be construed negatively. People can instigate their own personal silences to withdraw, or as a means of avoidance. It can be used as a way to try and mask the internal noise that might be happening in your own head. Sometimes being quiet is used simply as a way to cope. And we all know about ‘awkward silences’ or being given the ‘silent treatment’.

Often as care or education providers we are guilty (and I fully include myself in this) of using silence almost as a punishment. We sometimes tell children to ‘be quiet’ when they might be misbehaving. Or we sometimes used ‘planned ignoring’, where we tend to be quiet ourselves as part of that planned ignoring. This can lead to silence being seen as punitive or limiting. Which can engender negative connotations. We need to always be mindful of this.

But active, positive and engaged quietness can be brilliant! After all, the Buddhists have been doing it for centuries- and every Buddhist I’ve ever met has seemed a happy and content person! Without wishing to be reductive or offensive at all, but if I had to sum up Buddhism with one word I’d probably use this one- ‘Shhhhhhhh……ahhhhh!’ (yes I know- more of a noise than a word- but you hopefully get my drift).

So, being quiet when working or being with people can bring many positive benefits-
o If you’re quiet, it often goes hand-in-hand with being calm. And calmness engenders calmness
o If you’re being quiet, and not using too many words, it can encourage people with learning disabilities or autistic spectrum conditions, or communication issues, to instigate communication themselves, and help them to become more pro-active in their speech or sign or gesture rather than having to always be reactive, or a responder. If you’re not saying anything, they might be encouraged to start saying something!
o Being quiet can encourage reflection, enable breathing space to consider what’s inside and around you, and can prove very therapeutic in soothing noisy minds.
o And if you combine quietness with both time & space- it can work wonders!

Here’s some practical advice and guidance for you to consider next time you’re working or being with somebody with a disability, or indeed anybody, and including when you are by yourself-
o A hushed half-hour- whether in a school setting or a daycentre or short breaks unit, or even just at home, try and incorporate a hushed half-hour into the day. And it doesn’t need to be announced (‘EVERYBODY- QUIET TIME STARTS…. NOW!) or be ‘a thing’ or ‘an activity’, as the dynamic only changes then. Just pick a time, and then quietly start being quiet. And see what happens.
o If you’re with somebody who is agitated or anxious or distressed, we have a tendency to overcome them with words. Whilst this comes from a good place (if we see people struggling, we want to help them. And we equate help with action) but all the words we are using can often only add to the difficult situation someone is in. It’s known that when a person is in a heightened state, processing information can become very difficult to do. So adding words and noises can just be adding more information to process. So- try doing nothing. Be present, but be quiet. One or two words can carry much more weight than ten or twenty. And remember, you don’t always have to do something to help somebody, sometimes you just have to be something.
o Getting outside is always great, and always beneficial. But it doesn’t always have to involve an activity, or doing ‘a thing’. So say the next time you’re working with some kids for example. Every now and again, instead of going to the park- just go to a field. And do nothing! Be quiet. The kids might be a little confused at first (‘erm, what are we doing here? Why aren’t we doing something?? What on earth is going on??!’). But be patient, and see what happens.
o And remember, if you’re not making any noise yourself, you will be more open to hearing other noises- you will start actively listening. And that quietness you create may encourage others to start making some positive noise. Or even to make some positive quietness. Doing nothing and being quiet, and doing it well, can really create some beautiful somethings.

Shhhhhh…..
BYE THEN!