Hello folks!

This month’s blog is about Friendship.

To be a friend is a fundamental part of each of our lives. It can sustain us, and through friendship we are able to thrive.

In May this year I had the huge privilege of being able to go and support some of the Isle of Man athletes at the Malta Special Olympics Invitational Games. Which I can honestly say was one of the most rewarding, inspirational and fun events I have ever been involved in. It was overwhelming (in a good way!)
I could talk to you about many aspects of why it was such an amazing experience. The feeling of inclusion and of being valued. The promotion of self-worth and togetherness, and of promoting independence. The celebration of diversity and disability and how important it is to our world.

But for this blog we shall look at friendship.

In Malta I was able to watch our athletes make or reacquaint friendships. Congratulating each other or consoling each other. Being with each other. Sharing a collective experience, and laughing with each other at the breakfast table. I watched our athletes feel accepted, and not only included but central to the whole experience of why we were there. I watched our athletes feel powerful and important. And I was lucky to make some new mates myself, and garnered memories and feelings which will sustain me for a very long time.

Friendship has a positive impact on both your mental and physical health and wellbeing. Through it we can learn the skills to cope with life. Learning healthy behaviours, building confidence, sharing the good times and the difficult times. Friendship helps us to form and understand our own identities. They help us to feel safe. They give us meaning.

But for many of those we know with disabilities (sons or daughters, family members, or those we care for or work with) the opportunities for friendship can be fleeting and difficult. Having a disability can mean it’s more difficult to form friendships. And it is certainly not the disability that is the cause of this- but the opportunity or chance to make and more importantly sustain these relationships. It is sadly a truth that many people with disabilities face many barriers when it comes to friendship.

Research shows that people with disabilities partake in fewer activities than their non-disabled peers. And often tend to have fewer friends. For example, a study by Mencap in 2019 suggested that 1 in 3 young people with a disability spend less than one hour outside their home on a Saturday. And people with profound and multiple disabilities often have even smaller social networks.

People with disabilities are often reliant on others to support them. Whether that be physically getting them from one place to another, or supporting them at clubs, organisations and events. Or it maybe that they struggle with the social and societal norms of what friendships means. Making a new friend often involves following a set of ‘rules’ on how to behave and interact. If you don’t always understand those rules, it can prove very difficult.
And to be a parent or carer of somebody who has a disability can have a significant impact on your own opportunities to make or sustain friendships. If you need to provide 24hr care to your loved one, as many people do, your own need for friendship often has to take a back seat in your order of priorities. It can become an occasional privilege, rather than a right.

So if we acknowledge that friendship is a vital and important aspect of all our lives, what can we do to promote and support it?
• Firstly, if you see a friendship developing, help it grow! Whether that’s in school, a respite centre, a daycentre, a club, or a workplace. Or anywhere else for that matter. Support that friendship in any way you can.
• If you work with people with disabilities, provide as many opportunities as you can to help them make friends. Include it in your care plans and risk assessments. Enable people to spend time with each other. And remember, it’s not always about doing something, it can just be about being with somebody. The quiet times are as important as the activity times. Make full use of them.
• Virtual friendships have become much more prevalent recently, and particularly so since the pandemic. They of course can come with their own set of difficulties, and occasional risks, but if safely monitored they can be a wonderful thing.
• I know this one is easier said than done. But if you are a parent or carer of somebody with a disability, and you are finding it difficult to make or sustain friendships- reach out. There are clubs, groups and organisations out there who would gladly welcome you into their fold. Looking after yourself is as important as looking after your loved one. And friendship will help you to do so.
• There are some fantastic schemes, clubs, events and organisations for people with disabilities here on the Isle of Man. But I think we could all agree that there could be more, as well as a wider scope of opportunities for the full spectrum of people with disabilities. So this is another one that is easier said than done, but we need to keep asking for it. Even if we have asked for it before. Whether that be for more places to become more inclusive, or for more specialist services (or indeed for both of these) we need to keep advocating on behalf of our friends and loved ones.

Friendships is at the heart of a safe and healthy life for all of us. And is a privilege that we should all be able to share.

Thanks folks

Take care!

Andy